Before becoming a mom, I thought I had it all figured out. I envisioned myself as the perfect mom: patient, organized, and always in control. I had a mental checklist: homemade meals, a tidy house, creative activities every day, and a perfectly behaved child. But then, the expectations vs. reality of motherhood hit, and I quickly learned that things don’t always go as planned. And that’s okay—because perfection isn’t the goal, love and presence are.

The Reality Check: When Expectations Don’t Match Reality

I imagined motherhood would be a picture-perfect journey, complete with travel adventures, cultural experiences, and serene moments with my child. I pictured us strolling through European streets, exploring bustling markets, and making beautiful memories in far-off places. Reality? Some days, getting dressed and out the door feels like I’m preparing for a marathon. The expectations vs. reality of motherhood quickly became about celebrating the small victories, like making it through the grocery store without a tantrum or—wait for it—actually sitting down for five minutes with a cup of coffee (without reheating it 12 times).

What I’ve learned is that motherhood isn’t about living up to an ideal; it’s about showing up with love, even on the days when it feels like the world is against you. The expectations vs. reality of motherhood doesn’t need to be a disappointment. It’s simply part of the beautiful, messy, and unexpected journey we’re all on—and if you’re lucky, sometimes you’ll get a nap in there, too. And that’s okay.

Choosing My Battles: A More Flexible Parenting Approach

Before becoming a mom, I was certain I would be a strict parent. I had a vision of discipline—firm boundaries, no exceptions. My child would be well-behaved, respectful, and follow the rules without fail. But, as with everything in motherhood, the expectations vs. reality of motherhood taught me a valuable lesson: flexibility is key. I’ve learned to choose my battles—like letting my daughter have extra screen time when I need a break (and when she’s watching Thomas and Friends, I’ll call it “her accelerated engineering degree”) or letting her occasionally have ice cream for breakfast (because I rather deal with a sugar high in the morning than right before bed). Give yourself grace—it’s okay to bend a little.

The Co-Sleeping Confession I Never Saw Coming

I never planned to co-sleep. I was determined to stick to independent sleep routines and get my child used to sleeping on her own. But, as with many things in motherhood, the expectations vs. reality of motherhood surprised me. After my daughter got sick, the only way she could sleep was in my arms. What started as a “temporary” solution turned into something more permanent. Before I knew it, I was embracing what I now call “Bonus Snuggle Time”—which, let’s be honest, probably involves an elbow to the ribs at 2 a.m. and a few accidental face slaps, but still, it’s a beautiful mess. If you want to learn more about co-sleeping pros and cons and why I chose it, click here!

Co-sleeping wasn’t in the plans, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. In fact, research by Dr. James McKenna, a leading expert on co-sleeping and infant sleep, shows that co-sleeping can foster a stronger mother-infant bond, support breastfeeding, and even help regulate infant breathing and stress levels. Dr. McKenna’s work emphasizes how mother-baby co-sleeping can be a natural way to meet both the child’s and the mother’s needs during the early years of life, providing emotional and physical support. You can learn more about his research here at the University of Notre Dame.

The expectations vs. reality of motherhood showed me that sometimes, the most beautiful moments come from letting go of rigid expectations. It’s in those quiet moments of closeness that I’ve found some of the most powerful memories with my child. And that’s a gift.

Letting Go of the ‘Perfect Mom’ Myth

At first, the expectations vs. reality of motherhood felt like a struggle. I looked around and saw other moms who seemed to have everything together. I thought maybe I was falling short. But the more I embraced the reality of motherhood—the mom who apologizes, the mom who isn’t perfect, but who loves fiercely—the more I realized that I am exactly the mom my child needs. And so are you!

Motherhood isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about being present and loving our children in the best way we can. The expectations vs. reality of motherhood doesn’t need to be a source of frustration. It’s an opportunity to embrace who we are and find joy in the beautiful imperfections. Because, spoiler alert: your child will never remember that you missed a few “Instagram-worthy” moments, but they will remember how much you loved them through it all. You are doing better than you think.

Signs You’re Doing Better Than You Think

If you feel like you’re not measuring up to your pre-motherhood expectations, take a deep breath and remember: you are doing better than you think. Ask yourself:

✅ Does my child feel loved?
✅ Do I do my best, even on hard days?
✅ Am I learning and adjusting as I go?
✅ Do I laugh with my child?
✅ Am I showing them what unconditional love looks like?

If you answered yes to even one of these, you are doing an amazing job. The expectations vs. reality of motherhood is a journey of growth and learning. You are enough, exactly as you are.

Embracing the Realities of Motherhood

At the end of the day, motherhood is not about following a script or meeting an ideal. It’s about embracing the beautiful, unpredictable reality of it all. When the expectations vs. reality of motherhood doesn’t align, it’s just life showing us that the real moments—the messy, spontaneous, and imperfect moments—are the ones that truly matter. You don’t have to be the perfect mom. You just have to be the mom your child needs, and that is more than enough. Trust that you are exactly where you need to be.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going!

Motherhood is a journey filled with surprises, adjustments, and lessons we never expected to learn. Have you ever experienced the gap between your expectations and the reality of motherhood? How have you learned to embrace the unexpected?

💬 Share your story in the comments! Your experience could be exactly what another mom needs to hear today.

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