Finding Your People and The Importance of Connection
When I became a mom, something unexpected happened: I suddenly felt alone. Surrounded by the never-ending noise of diaper changes, snack requests, and playdates, I realized that in the whirlwind of motherhood, I had lost touch with many of my friends. Not only that, but I had also become hyper-focused on my child’s needs, leaving little time or energy for socializing. For a while, I was okay with it. But as time went on, I began to miss the conversations that didn’t revolve around teething or naps. I craved adult interaction, new friendships, and the support of a community who understood the highs and lows of being a mom.
The thing is, making friends as a mom is tough. It’s not like when we were in school, where friendships often happened naturally. As a mom, the dynamic shifts. You’re no longer just trying to find people with similar interests—you’re looking for other moms who understand the chaos, the exhaustion, and the joy that come with raising kids. You need someone who “gets it,” who can laugh at the absurdities of motherhood and still offer support when things get tough.
If you’ve been in the same boat, feeling disconnected from your social life but not sure how to form meaningful friendships as a mom, you’re not alone. Here’s my take on why it’s hard to make friends as a mom, how to overcome the obstacles, and why it’s worth the effort.
Why It’s Hard to Make Friends as a Mom
- We Are Busy
When we become moms, our schedules are no longer our own. Between managing nap times, meal prep, school runs, and everything else on the list, there’s little room left for socializing. The idea of carving out time to nurture a friendship feels almost impossible, especially when every day feels like a balancing act. Many moms find that they’ve lost touch with their pre-baby friends because they simply don’t have the time or energy to keep up with old routines.
- We Don’t Always Have Common Ground
Before becoming moms, we probably formed friendships based on shared hobbies, work, or mutual interests. After kids, the dynamic shifts. We’re often focused on our children’s schedules and needs, and sometimes, it feels like that’s the only thing we have in common with others. We might find it hard to connect with people who don’t have kids or whose children are in different life stages. In some cases, it might even feel like the only things moms talk about are their kids, making it hard to build connections that feel more well-rounded.
- Judgy Moms
On episode 2, we do a whole episode called “Judgy Moms”, because unfortunately, a side effect to being a mom is judgment. From breastfeeding choices to parenting styles, the “mom wars” can make us feel like we’re constantly under a microscope. The fear of being judged can make us hesitant to put ourselves out there or share our true thoughts and feelings with other moms. We might find ourselves comparing ourselves to other moms and feeling inadequate or isolated. These make the idea of making new friends feel intimidating.
- The Fear of Rejection
Friendships, at any stage in life, require vulnerability, and as a mom, it can feel like there’s a lot at stake. We might worry about being rejected, about not fitting in, or about being too much of a “work in progress” to make meaningful connections. It’s easy to convince ourselves that other moms have it all together, or that they already have their own friend groups, so why would they want to include us?
Why Making Friends as a Mom is Worth It
Despite all the challenges, making friends as a mom is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself—and your family. Here’s why:
- We All Need a Support System
Motherhood can be isolating. Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, it’s easy to feel like you’re in it alone. Having friends who are also mothers can provide the kind of emotional support, advice, and understanding that’s essential to your well-being. They get it—they know the exhaustion of sleepless nights, the joy of a child’s first words, and the pressure of balancing it all. Who else can understand you when you say things like, “My barnacle is extra clingy today!”? Building friendships with other moms gives you a group of people you can lean on when times are tough.
- It’s Important for Our Mental Health
The demands of motherhood can take a toll on our mental health. We may experience stress, anxiety, or feelings of loneliness, but connecting with other moms can help us feel seen and understood. Sharing experiences and knowing that others are going through the same things helps us feel validated and less isolated. Friendships provide an outlet for us to express our frustrations, celebrate the victories, and share the challenges. It’s good for our souls and our sanity.
- It’s a Model for Our Kids
When we make an effort to build friendships, we’re modeling healthy relationships for our children. Kids learn by example, and if they see us nurturing meaningful friendships, they’ll understand the importance of building their own. They’ll learn what it means to be kind, supportive, and open to new connections. The friendships we build now can shape the values and social skills they carry into adulthood.
How to Make Friends as a Mom
So, how do we go about making friends as a mom, when we’re juggling so many other things? It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely possible. Here are some practical ways to build connections and create lasting friendships:
- Start with Playdates
One of the easiest ways to meet other moms is through playdates. Whether it’s a trip to the park, a mom-and-me class, or just a visit to a local coffee shop, these informal settings allow us to bond over our kids while also taking a break and enjoying adult conversation. Playdates provide a natural opportunity to meet other moms, and since everyone’s kids are around, it helps take the pressure off. You can talk about your children, but also about your own experiences, struggles, and joys.
- Join a Mom Group
From Facebook groups to local parenting classes, there are countless opportunities to join a mom group. Some communities offer playgroups or organized activities specifically designed for moms to meet and connect. Whether it’s a weekly stroller fitness class, a breastfeeding support group, or a book club for moms, these gatherings create a space to meet other women who are in the same stage of life.
- Be Open and Approachable
Making friends as a mom requires vulnerability. It’s okay to reach out first and make the effort to invite someone for coffee, a walk, or a playdate. I’ve found that when I’m open and honest about my own struggles or challenges in motherhood, it helps others feel comfortable doing the same. Friendships grow from shared experiences, and those first steps of showing kindness and willingness to connect can go a long way.
- Ok, but how???
A tried and true conversation starter: when the kids are playing near each other, I casually mention something obvious.
For example – “Oh her shoes are so cute! Where did you get them?” or “And of course she (my daughter) puts the toy in her mouth….”.
About 98% of the time a nice conversation flows. We don’t always become friends but we often see each other again, and it’s nice to see a familiar face.
- Find Common Interests Beyond Parenting
While it’s easy to bond over kids, it’s just as important to find other things you enjoy talking about. Whether it’s a shared love for yoga, hiking, cooking, or a specific TV show, seeking out activities or interests outside of parenting gives you more to talk about and creates a deeper connection. This helps form friendships that are about more than just “mom stuff.” Try a mom only get together. Consider a brisk mom-only walk or grabbing a quick coffee. Meeting up without the kids can be opportunities for deeper (and more continuous) conversations.
- Don’t Be Afraid to Let Go of Toxic Relationships
Sometimes, we hold onto friendships that no longer serve us because we’re afraid of being alone or feeling rejected. But the truth is, some friendships can be draining and toxic—especially when there’s a lack of mutual support or understanding. Protecting your peace is essential. If a friendship feels one-sided or judgmental, it’s okay to let go and make room for relationships that nurture and uplift you.
- Give Yourself Time
Building friendships takes time, especially as a mom. Don’t be discouraged if connections don’t happen immediately. Sometimes making mom friends when your kids become school aged is easier. Moms often have more opportunities to meet each other when the kids become more social . If you’re in the newborn and early toddler phases and feel that you’re not meeting people, don’t give up! There will be more opportunities ahead! Keep showing up, keep being yourself, and keep being open to new opportunities. Trust that the right friendships will develop when the time is right.
Final Thoughts
Making friends as a mom is not easy, but it’s one of the most valuable things we can do for our emotional health and overall well-being. As moms, we need support, laughter, and companionship from others who understand the unique challenges we face. While it may take time and effort, creating meaningful friendships with other moms will not only enrich your life but also provide your children with the opportunity to grow up with a strong sense of community.
So, take a deep breath, put yourself out there, and remember: You are not alone in this. There are other moms just like you, searching for connection, friendship, and a place to feel understood. Don’t be afraid to make the first move—because the journey of making friends as a mom is totally worth it.
Share your tips on making and keeping friends as a mom!